Bringing Daddy Home-by Jon Limjap
(The author is a daddy. Find out what he felt when his baby did not recognize him. To know more about this author, view his profile).
Last night I went home at 1 AM.
It was starting to be “normal.” For the past month I couldn’t blog or read or do much anything because of work. I’ve been going home at 9 PM the earliest, and sometimes I go home at around 2 or 3 AM. In one of those four weekends I spent my Saturday and Sunday night in the office.
I thought there wasn’t anything wrong about it. My wife Melynn has been supportive and doesn’t nag me about the fact though she complains about it once in a while. I thought it was something that “we could all get used to.” Besides, my work pattern has been like this when we were still courting. Then, overnights were “normal” to me.
But last night the matter was shoved right into my face.
As I entered the room and changed clothes, Melynn woke up, greeted me, then got up and told me to watch over CJ who was sleeping soundly on her side of the bed. She had to go to the bathroom. As she left I continued changing without turning the lights on. I didn’t want to rouse CJ.
However a few minutes later, CJ rolled over, apparently looking for her mommy. She usually notices it when mommy gets up, and that was normal, since Melynn still breastfeeds her in bed. Then, I would only have to pat her tummy or her butt and hum a lullaby to put her back to sleep. If that didn’t work, I’d pick her up and lull her in my arms. It worked a hundred times before, specially during her first six months.
So I tried patting her. It didn’t work. Her thrashing around trying to grope for mommy in the darkness only became more vigorous. Finally I decided to pick her up. That’s when things turned worse. She didn’t recognize me, and her sobs were getting louder and louder.
I decided to turn the lights on to see if the sight of her daddy carrying her would stop her from crying. As I turned on the light she squirmed with the sudden brightness, but what pained me was when she looked at me. She saw me, and looked as though she didn’t recognize me. My baby, whose signature smile always brightened my long tired day after coming home from work once I entered our front door, squealed this time. It’s as though she doesn’t know me. She squealed again, then cried harder, struggling to free herself from the arms of the “unknown” man holding her.
As the minutes drew longer and her squeals grew louder, my sister in the room beside ours and my mother both rushed to our room to see what was happening. At that same time, Melynn entered our room. Upon seeing mommy, CJ extended her hands towards her, and then quieted a bit, still sobbing while mommy, tita and lola all tried to calm her down.
My baby didn’t recognize me. That stabbed me right through the heart.
My baby didn’t recognize me. That stabbed me right through the heart.
When I woke up this morning CJ was already doing her thing. She’d roll around all over the bed, waiting for mommy and daddy to get up and get her. When I said goodmorning to her, again I saw her signature smile. We played a little bit; tickling her always did wonders. She was smiling at me again. But I know that that smile will last only as long as she knows that I will be there for her.
I guess I need to work on doing that, and set my priorities straight. Perhaps it’s time to ask myself whether the price I am paying for some things I deem important are worth it.
I love you CJ. We’ll find a way to bring daddy home earlier.
For more of this author, visit his webpage.
