THE CAT WHO WANTS TO BE DEAR ABBY
Letter 1
Dear CAT,
My mother did the Houdini disappearing act again. The last time she did it was when I was planning to buy a condo. She offered me to pay the down payment with the condition that she is going to live with me. But CAT, the reason for getting myself a place I can call my own is to be away from my mother’s smothering attention. She wanted me to settle down but how can I get myself hitched when she is constantly hovering around whenever I bring a girl home to meet the family!!!!. Before I drive the girl home, she would ask me to pick up some prescriptions from the pharmacy that I come to discover later that it has been picked up. (Yeah, she forgot…sorry… Blame her short memory lapses) and please, can I come home as soon as I can because there is something where she will be needing my expertise. (short to saying…just drop her off the doorway and drive home fast). She is sending mixed signals. She wanted me to get settled. She introduced me to some girls she knows and encourages me to know them better. Once friendship is established, the green-eyed monster slowly takes over shaming an FBI investigator in interrogating a suspect for his whereabouts when the crime happened. So these were months ago. We found her holed up in a hotel with brand new BMW. She bought it with the money she would like to give me for down payment. She thought that she might as well buy something for herself. That was her dream…to drive a BMW but with many of us in the college, she contented herself looking at the BMW changes models from year to year. I got the condo, thanks to my MOM. She sold the BMW. She said it is too fast for her. I bought a 2-door TOYOTA. She did not like a new car. I drive her where she likes to go. She still stays with my sister. Last week, I told her not to bring in any food to my digs when I am not there. She told me that I do not come to my sister’s home for breakfast and dinner anymore. Where do I eat my dinner? Is there a special lady who cooks for me? What is her name? What region in our country does she come from? Does she have a degree? Where does she live? Does she sleep in my condo? Is she religious? What is her religion? I did not respond to her multiple questions. I simply walked out and drove to my condo unit. That was the time, when I want to knock off a harmless, innocent looking guy who just happened to look at me longer than 3 minutes. That was the time when I was so war freak that I will not only swat a fly but step on it and crash its frail body under my Air NIKE shoes. Now my sister called; she is missing again. Tell me cat, how come you CATS will always find their way home. How come mothers don’t? ?
V
Dear V,
You got a great mother but she is a woman and women have unique language of their own. When she says, she wants you settled and introduces you to some ladies…it means go ahead get married but I will choose the wife for you. When she says, come back as soon as you bring the girl home…it means, I do not like her. When she asks you many questions about a lady…it means, why you do not introduce her to us? If she brings food in your digs. do not raise the roof by reprimanding her coming to your place clandestinely. It is one excuse when she can look for telltales of something great that happen during the nights. She is like a CAT with a distinct sense of smell. If you do not want the food, I will appreciate if you can bring it to the coffee shop. The humans there would savor your mom’s good cooking. I know she is intruding your privacy. But whose mother is not? Who told you that cats find their way home? My human pet lost me. She lost me in the internet. I mean a CAT that is on the loose in the internet. BTW, does your mother cook lasagna? Tell her my address is P.O. Box 1234…(secured)
CAT
Quotation: Necessity is the mother’s invention. She wants to feel that she is still needed.
